A few years ago when I was in the depths of the most horrendous of breakups… the kind that actually makes it painful to breath… I came across this article called “wise words by Oprah”. Now… I do not know if Oprah herself delivered this beautiful “sermon”… but to whoever did- I say… preach!
You see at a time when you are heartbroken, your whole head is blurry/ foggy… all of a sudden “common” sense ain’t so common anymore. You’re unable to think clearly, and therefore probably do dumb shit. In some (most cases) you become cray cray.
Your brain doesn’t really work and you are irrational and SUPER emotional and nothing makes sense. Which only makes you analyse tiny details of what went wrong even more, searching for an iota of meaning where there is none. Yup honey… I know the feeling.
The bad news is its gonna hurt- like a motherfucker… for a while. But the good news is- it all eventually passes and the hurt evaporates (and honestly if you learn from the experience… you end up with something and someone 110% better BELIEVE ME!). And, as a bonus you get a chance to develop into being a stronger, better and wiser person. The thing is you have got to commit to taking care of yourself and not fucking with your own head. Believe me, your emotions are doing enough in that department. You have got to USE the experience as hard as it seems. Use it to take you to the next level!
But I digress… Back to “wise words from Oprah” …whenever I was doubting my gut or I was unsure or wanting to get back with “Mr major douche”… the words below steered me in a better direction. So I wanted to share some of the wise nuggets with you, in the hope that it helps you through the trenches.
So here goes …
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends”. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend. Don’t settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.
Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are… even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending…compromise is two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships…there is nothing cute about baggage… deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you…a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals…look for someone complimentary…not supplementary.
Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes…when a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him – he takes it for granted.
Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)… You’ll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
So till next time we talk shop,
Also published on Medium.